i'm going to sound so snotty and snobbish for saying all this. but i can't stand it anymore. grrs. i think we've been spoiled as dancers in rj. we're so used to a certain level of professionalism, dance skills and performance abilities. while spore doesn't have the number of world class dancers as say USA or maybe even UK, but i really think that we at the very least pride ourselves on putting on a well thought out, clean, professional performance. we weren't perfect for amarante. i see many mistakes in our videos. but the amount of effort and dedication that meant into that performance was fantastic. we gave our entire life up to dance, to perform. and then sentio.. it wasn't perfect either, but i always felt myself improving as a dancer, as a performer, as a choreographer. all e performances and dances forced us to grow as dancers, and improve. and yet now i feel like i'm falling back all the way to the days of inexperienced unprofessionalism again. and i hate it. just one pract and i'm so disgruntled. fuck.

i want to keep improving, but when half of e pract you have your ic asking you what you want, what you think e item should be like, what we want to do now. god. i want to throttle her alr. she's not a bad dancer, and an ok choreographer. but goodness this is not how a dance pract should be. groans. i'd take zaki barking orders ANYDAY ok. oh how i miss lao shi & zaki ): i just want to compete in ballroom damnit. that's all i want. cos if i have a partner, we're accountable to ourselves and ourselves alone, and what we achieve is based solely on our hard work. sighs. i'm damn sian of this nonsense.